In Harm's Eyes
by ducktapedmoose
Summary: Finishing this puppy up...
1. Work

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
A/N: Just a little something...Turns out that I like writing from Harm's POV. He's a scart-alec. Writing this way keeps me from being one, too. Please review!  
  
JAG Headquarters 09?? EST Falls Church, Virginia  
  
As I get out of my car, I wonder what time it is. Am I late? I'm pretty sure that it's nine something-or-rather, but I wish that I had Mac's sense of time so I know if I should be bracing myself for verbal whiplash. I think that the Admiral takes some kind of perverse pleasure in chewing me out, but whatever makes him happy, I guess. I'm rushing through the lobby, trying to reach the elevator before the doors close. Yes! I made it. I steal a quick glance at my watch, and see that I have five minutes before I'm actually late. I punch the 'four' button and smile, very happy with myself that I'm not going to be late. One less thing for Mac to tease me about. Is that necessarily a good thing, though? Every day, I wake up and tell myself that I'm finally going to confess to her how I feel, but by the time I get to work, my courage is gone, out the proverbial window. I hear a 'ding!' as the elevator reaches the floor of the JAG main offices. And who should walk by the elevator just as the doors open than the beautiful, the exotic, the scary-as-hell Colonel MacKenzie, on the warpath. She's ticked at someone or something, and I pray to the God that saved me from the icy Atlantic that it's not me. On second thought, didn't she save me? Then again, I'm not going there, I'm not reliving that hell, so right now I'll just concentrate on staying out of the way of the woman that I'm in love with. As I rush out of the elevator, I hear the Voice of Doom.  
  
"Commander Rabb! Get your six to my office, ASAP!" It's the Admiral, right? Ready to kill me for being late? I wish. It is none other than Lt.Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, the scariest, most beautiful and desirable female, Marine, and military officer known to man. What did I do now? As I follow her miserably to her office, I see the sympathetic looks of Sturgis and Bud (who wisely chose NOT to leave for carrier duty). I walk in behind her, and she stops to wait for me to bustle my six into the room before she slams the door. Rushing around in a furious frenzy, she closes all the blinds, and I fleetingly fear for my life.  
  
"Um, Mac?" I ask, timidly. I honestly have no idea why she's so mad at me.  
  
"Yes, Commander Rabb?" She returns formally. Ouch! What did I do?  
  
"Uh, Colonel. May I ask why you're so mad at me?" Did I just ask her that? She's got plenty to be mad about. All the times that I should have 'let go' without hesitation, all the times that she tried to help me to do just that? Heck, she could have justly kicked my six years ago! I look up at her, and her expression softens.  
  
"My friend Sandy, from college is getting married." Is that a bad thing? I just don't understand her sometimes. All the women that I've dated have been fairly easy to figure out, but Mac remains a mystery to me, even after six years of being friends and even partners part of the time. The only time that I feel like I understand what she's feeling is when she tells me, outright. That's not very often, as you can imagine, so I'm in the dark a lot. I decide to ask a very bold question.  
  
"And that's bad, how?" She looks at me, a pained expression in her eyes. I know that she wants a family, a husband, and she can't have that without meeting the right guy. She seems to think that I am that guy. Personally, I couldn't agree more. The problem is that I honestly don't think that I'm good enough for her. I've screwed up our relationship so many times that I don't even deserve to breathe the same air as her.  
  
"That's what I want, Harm. All I want is a husband that loves me and to have a baby someday. Is that so much to ask?" She sinks into the chair next to me, and I look at her, attempting to be comforting. I'm trying very hard not to jump out of this chair and propose to her here and now, and I manage to keep myself from doing that, while my mouth blurts out,  
  
"You'll find someone some day that deserves to be with you. In the meantime, you have to be patient, okay, Sarah?" I can tell by the look on her face that I've just killed her hopes and dreams. Man, why do I say stupid things like that?  
  
"If you're so repulsed by the idea of being with me, why don't you move on and marry the next blonde that falls for your smile?" She asks in a biting tone. I would be offended by the blonde comment, but I'm not for two reasons: 1) It's true, to any woman, it would seem that I like blondes, and 2) She said that I'm 'repulsed by the idea of being with' her. Where did she get that? Now I'm upset, and I stand up, pacing her small office. You know what? Screw being careful of what I say. Just say the right thing, Rabb.  
  
"That wouldn't work." I say. That's all I can get out, with all the confessions of love and undying devotion that are flying through my head. Each one had been carefully rehearsed, and the end includes Sarah falling into my arms, preferably sobbing in joy so I don't have to hold my own tears at bay. I get teary just practicing them. She looks at me strangely, then asks slowly,  
  
"Why?" Do I have to spell it out for her? Obviously I do, because she's not going to risk any miscommunication in this possibly life-altering conversation. I try to pace myself, but my stupid mouth shoots off again.  
  
"Because I'm in love with you." Oh, God. I turn to look at her. Her eyes are wide. Quietly, I ask, "Did I say that?" She just nods. Geez, she looks as numb as I feel. I look away, and try to keep myself from tearing her out of that chair and kissing her like there's no tomorrow. I close my eyes, and feel cool, slender fingers on my cheek. I turn my head towards the woman that I now know is standing less that a foot away from me. What is she going to do?  
  
"I'm so in love with you." And she kisses me. The most electrifying kiss in the history of the world, the woman that I'm in love with is in love with me too. I grab her waist, trying to hold on to her, because of some irrational fear that just because I finally let go that she's going to be taken away from me. I will never let that happen, I will never let us get as far apart as we were in the past two years. Never. She pulls away slightly, breaking the kiss. I forgot that she has smaller lungs than I do, she can't hold her breath as long. That's okay, though. We really shouldn't be making out in her office when everybody saw her drag me in there less than five minutes ago. As she looks up at me, I'm lost in her eyes. They're the most beautiful dark brown that I've ever seen in my life. Some say that my blue-green eyes are the pinnacle of beauty, but in my mind, nothing can compare to the amazing brown-black of Sarah MacKenzie's eyes.  
  
"We really shouldn't be doing this in the office." She whispers. I nod, unable to speak. I'm still in shock from the kiss, I think it'll take the rest of the day to get me back to my cocky, arrogant, flyboy self. She smiles. "Aren't you going to say something?" I shake my head. Her eyes roam over my face quickly, and she kisses me softly, leaving my head spinning even more than before. This woman is intoxicating to me, not that I'll ever tell her that.  
  
"You're intoxicating to me, Sarah." There goes my big mouth again, right before I kiss the juncture of her jaw and throat. She gasps, and I smile. This is so cool! She gently pushes me away, blushing furiously.  
  
"Get outta here, Sailor. I'll see you for lunch?" She's flustered. Wonderful. Trying to get yourself out of an intense situation, Colonel? Good girl. I smile at her again, thrilled to see her height decrease by almost an inch as her knees weaken.  
  
"Wouldn't miss it, Ninja-girl."  
  
A/N2: Does anybody want more, or is that enough? I've got a lot more, but if you all like 'em short and sweet, I don't want to upload a new chapter(or five) just so I can read them myself. Let me know, ok? 


	2. Lunch

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
JAG Headquarters 12?? EST  
  
I hear a knock at the door, and call out a distracted 'Enter!' as I work furiously to get my last bit of paperwork finished. I hear someone enter and close the door, and then the blinds, but I'm still not sure who it is until I feel that someone kissing the back of my neck. Oh, now I know who it is. I shiver, and turn my chair around to view my assailant. When I get around to her, I pull her into my lap, so she's straddling me in my chair, her knees on either side of my legs on my large office chair. I hug her hips, my head resting on her firm stomach. As I squeeze her, she hugs me around my neck and head and kisses the top of my head.  
  
"How's your day going, Sailor?" She asks softly. I loosen my grip on her and pull back to look at her face.  
  
"Better, now that you're here. I've been doing paperwork all morning." I fake a pout, and it's enough to get her to take my face in her hands and bend down to kiss me softly on the lips. When she pulls away, she smiles and asks,  
  
"Are you ready to go to lunch? I'm starving!" Almost as if on cue, her stomach (which is still very close to my head) growls, and I laugh. What else is new? She's always hungry, and it amazes me every time I see her scarf down a Beltway Burger that she's in such incredible shape. Not that I check her out or anything. Okay, maybe I do. But it's still amazing. We get up, and I stretch out, my fingertips brushing the celing of my office. She chuckles, prompting me to ask,  
  
"What's so funny?" I follow her to the office door.  
  
"I was just thinking of how I'm going to feel when I'm in a house years from now and all my kids are a foot taller than me." I laugh, ecstatic that she's thinking about our children. That's going to be a wonderful part of our life together, her having our children. They're going to be enough like me to be tall and smart-assed, and enough like her to be courageous and beautiful. Maybe they'll be more like her than me. Not that I would mind having a Harmon Rabb III in the world, but I admire so much about Sarah that I want to have children that are all as wonderful as she is. That's the only way that they're all going to be able to put up with me, after all.  
  
Beltway Burgers 12?? EST  
  
I let her talk me into coming to Beltway Burgers, since I'm in a good mood. As I eat my salad, I notice her staring at me. What's she looking at?  
  
"Sarah, why are you staring at me?" Her intense look fades into a soft smile, and she looks directly into my eyes.  
  
"I love you." I grin, very happy to hear her say that. I mean, I know that she loves me, but hearing her say it inflates my ego and makes my heart swell with love for her, too. I reach across the table and take her hand in mine, squeezing gently. She squeezes back, and I say,  
  
"I love you so much. Sarah, you have no idea how long I've been wanting to say that. I love you, I love you, I love you!" I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it gently, delighted when I see her inhale sharply at my touch.  
  
"Exactly how long, Harm? I bet it's not as long as I've been waiting." I grin, giving her hand back to her.  
  
"I bet it's been longer. There's no way you've loved me longer than I've loved you." She smiles, an impish smile that I've seen on her face countless times.  
  
"All right, let's see." She says as we get up to throw our trash away and head for the door. "On three, we'll both say the time that we fell in love with each other, okay?" I nod. So, our competitiveness won't die with our being 'just friends'.  
  
"One...Two...Three."  
  
"Rose Garden."  
  
"Rose Garden." She looks at me, shocked. We're almost to the car, and she stops walking. I stop too, turning around and stepping back to her.  
  
"Really?" She asks, quietly. I place my hands on her waist, pulling her a few inches closer to me. I nod.  
  
"Really, Sarah. You had me from hello." She looks up at me doubtfully. I think of reasons that she wouldn't believe me, then stop suddenly. Diane. She thinks that I was in love with Diane still.  
  
"Are you sure it wasn't Diane that had you from hello?" She whispers, pulling away from me slightly. I'm not letting her go again.  
  
"Sarah, it wasn't Diane. As soon as you spoke, I knew that you and Diane were like opposites, she was nothing like you are. She couldn't make me laugh like you do, she couldn't make me knees go weak with a single glance from across a crowded room. That's you, Sarah. That's you." I'm desperate for her to understand. She has to. I love her too much for her to misunderstand and leave me. She stares deep into my eyes.  
  
"We look almost exactly the same, and I make you go weak at the knees?" She teases me. I nod, shrugging my shoulders. She steps closer to me until she's in my breathing space. She's practically pressed up against me, but all I see is her beautiful face, all I feel is the love emenating from her. She smiles mischieviously. "If a glance makes you go weak at the knees, what will this do?" She asks softly just before she kisses me. This isn't a tender, innocent kiss like that one that morning. It's hard, demanding, and most of all, making my knees buckle. I slowly kneel down until I'm her height. It's her fault. She knows the effect she has on me, and she's going to thoroughly humiliate me now. The kiss continues for several more seconds, and she pulls away, just as quickly and firmly as she came. I'm still not capable of using my knees, so I just rest my forehead on hers and try to catch my breath. My woman is ruthless.  
  
"We'd better head back to the office, Flyboy. We're going to get in trouble." She whispers. Right now, I wouldn't care if I got fired, as long as she's with me. Maybe I should see if she likes for me to say mushy, romantic things. I'll try it and see what she says.  
  
"I don't care if I get fired, as long as you're with me, Sarah." I slowly make my way back up to my own height, looking down at her. I see tears fill her eyes, and she hugs me tightly.  
  
"I love you, Flybloy. You're not going anywhere without me ever again." I smile and kiss her forehead. She's amazing, and she loves me. She's said so a lot of times. So there. Maybe I'll properly pay her back some day for being so incredible. Then again, she will be surprising me more for the rest of our lives than I can imagine.  
  
"Will you come over tonight? I want to be with you out of uniform. Please?" She looks up at me, a fake pout on her lips.  
  
"What's wrong with my uniform?" She asks. Is she kidding me? What's wrong with her uniform?  
  
"Don't get me wrong, you look incredible in it, but it hides an awful lot of Sarah." I gaze down the front of her jacket, showing her what I mean. A slow smile crosses her face. She nods. Wait, she agrees with me? I just made a blatantly sexual comment about her, and she's smiling?  
  
"You're right. I'll come over at 1900. Come on, let's get back to work." 


	3. Misunderstood...Again!

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I really think that this fic could be great, but I would love suggestions. Please?  
  
Harm's Apartment North of Union Station 1859 EST  
  
I got home late. I'm rushing around trying to get ready for Mac to come, but I still have to take a shower. I jump in, figuring that if she gets here while I'm in the shower, she'll let herself in. I wash quickly, taking only a few seconds to shave and wash my hair. When I step out, I wrap a towel around my waist, not wanting to scare or offend her by running around in the nude. When I look through the glass blocks to my kitchen, I see a dark-headed figure looking around in my fridge.  
  
"Mac?" I call out. I slip a pair of boxers and blue jeans on, then go out into the kitchen without bothering to put a shirt on yet.  
  
"Yeah?" She turns around to see me standing there, with no shirt on and my hair still wet and sticking everywhere. She smiles, approaching me. Just when she reaches me and I'm sure that she's going to kiss me, she reaches her left arm around me to the counter that I'm standing in front of. She hands me a bag.  
  
"What's this?" I ask. She got me a present?  
  
"Open it and find out, Flyboy." She says, poking me in the chest. I quickly open the bag and pull out an green t-shirt that's about the same shade as Mac's uniform-which she is not wearing now. I unfold it and read the print on the front. In bold light grey letters, it says, "Property of the United States Marines". That would have been funny enough, but then I see the red print that's there. The red crosses out some things so that if you were to read it regularly, it would say, "Property of A United States Marine". I laugh and slip it on, seeing Mac's eyes also sparkling with laughter.  
  
"Property of a United States Marine, huh? Well, Jarhead, I have something for you too. Hold on." I kiss her quickly and bound off to my room, still chuckling about being the property of a Marine. I rummage through my sock drawer and find the bag that I'm looking for. I run back to the kitchen and present it to the impatient Marine that's tapping her foot on the floor. She takes it and opens it. There are two navy blue t-shirts, and she picks one to unfold first. On the front, it says, "Most Sailors Have A Woman In Every Port...", in bold white letters. On the back, it says, "Mine Doesn't." She laughs, then turns and pokes me again.  
  
"Damn right you don't, Sailor." She unfolds the other one, which says, "My Naval Aviator Is Better Than Yours..." On the back, it says, "Because I Make Him That Way." On the hem of the shirt, in bold Marine-green letters, it says, "Sponsored by the US Marine Corp."  
  
"Do you like them?" I ask. I really want to know, because this is the first present that I'm giving her as her- um, I don't really know what I am. Am I her lover? No. Boyfriend? No. Fiancee? No. Maybe I should try being honest with her now. Maybe ask her what we are now?  
  
"I love them. And I love you." She hooks an arm around my neck, and kisses me for the fourth time that day. I'm happy here, but I really want to be honest in everything. She pulls away and says, "I want to wear one now." I nod.  
  
"You can go change in the-" I don't finish my sentence because she's stripped off her t-shirt and is putting one of her new ones on. My mouth drops open, and she laughs when she sees me.  
  
"What's the matter, Sailor? I'm wearing a bra." To which my mouth drops open further, and I slap my forehead to try to stop myself from remembering the sight of Mac in her bra. I'm trying, trying, it's not working. The Beautiful One speaks again. "Geez, Harm. How long has it been?" She asks. I look at her. I have no clue what she's talking about.  
  
"What? Since what?" Now I'm scrubbing my eyes, trying to make them forget what I saw. I'm not insane, I just don't want to lose control. If I allow myself to focus on what I've just seen, so much of her perfect, beautiful skin, I'm liable to tackle her to the floor and ravage her body for all it's worth.  
  
"Since you've um...seen as much as I just showed you?" I hear a smile in her voice, but I feel that I have to explain to her that that's not the problem.  
  
"That's not it. I'm trying to resist you." I look at her. Does she understand? There's a strange look on her face. What is that look? I've seen it somewhere before...Oh, god. That's the same look that she had on the ferry, when she thought that I was rejecting her.  
  
"It's been proven many times in the past just how resistable you find me, Harm. I don't think that you should have a problem with it." She says dryly, picking up her purse from the counter, walking towards the door. I rush after her, grabbing her shoulders and stopping her, coming around to stand in front of her. She looks angry, hurt...betrayed. She doesn't understand. She's completely irresistable to me. I think that now is the best time to try the honesty thing out.  
  
"Are you kidding me? You wouldn't believe the amount of time I spend every day at the office trying not to think about you. You don't know the amount of self-control it takes for me not to press you up against a filing cabinet and do unspeakable things to you every time you walk into my office!" Oh, man. I didn't mean to tell her that much. Why didn't I buy that filing cabinet last spring? No,no. That's not supposed to happen...yet. I'm going to be a good boy and not...do unspeakable things to her. She looks at me with what looks like a mixture of surprise and relief.  
  
"Really? A filing cabinet? Well, Harm, I could speak about several things that I would like for you to do to me pressed up against a filing cabinet, but after we're married, if that's okay with you." I let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"And when would that be?" I ask. Really, does she have this all planned or something?  
  
"When you propose to me." She kisses my cheek and leaves, calling out that she'll see me at the office tomorrow. As the door closes, I bang my head against it repeatedly. I have to ask her to marry me? And I thought that she was going to make it easy for me. I sigh and pick up the phone to call my Grandma Sarah. She's got an engagement ring that she said I could have when I met the right girl. Well, Grandma, I've met her. 


	4. Reunion With An Old Nemisis

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
JAG Headquarters 0930 EST Falls Church, Virginia  
  
I walk into the lobby, carrying a dozen roses. Yes, of course they're for her. When I called my Grandma last night, she said that she was sending the ring overnight. Great. The sooner I propose to her, the better. The elevator dings, signaling my time to get off. I look for Sarah in the bullpen, but she's not there. I head over to her open office door, recieving strange looks from all of my coworkers. What do they know that I don't? As I approach her door from the side, I hear a familiar and very annoying voice. Oh, no. It's Mic Brumby. What the heck is he doing here? What is he saying?  
  
"Look, Sarah, I'm sorry that I left you, but I was angry. I want you back. I love you." My vision goes red. How dare he? He left her hurt and alone and now he's coming back? The nerve of that piece of-. Suddenly, I realize that Mac hasn't replied to him. She's just sitting there? She's not immediatly telling him to bug off? Maybe she feels pressured. I have to help her. She needs me. I turn the corner, making my presence known by a sharp knock on the door. Brumby spins around in his seat, and Sarah sighs in relief.  
  
"Hey, Sarah. These are for you." I say, handing her the flowers and kissing her cheek quickly. I feel her lean into me, and I know that she would never betray me. I turn to Brumby, who is starting to look a little angry. "Hello, Mic. What are you doing here?" I ask him. How's he going to explain his way out of this one? He stands up, stretching to his full height, which is still a head shorter than me.  
  
"I was coming back to take Sarah back, and I'm not leaving without her. Nobody's going to stop me." And with that, he punches me right in the face. I see stars, then red, and I hear Sarah yelp in surprise. My vision clears, and I see Mic standing there in boxing position. He's ready to beat me to a pulp for Sarah. I won't let that happen, though. I've waited too long and made her suffer too much to let her slip away now. I assume my own boxing stance, and he punches me again in the nose, and I hear a sharp crack. God, that hurts. I hear Sarah tell me not to do this, but I have to. I have to defend myself and her. I glance towards the door, and see the entire JAG staff gathered there. I punch Mic in the face quickly, and jump back so that he couldn't get me. It doesn't seem to work too well, though, and he jumps forward, punching me hard in the gut several times. Just as he's about to bust me in the face with his knee, I hear Sturgis and the Admiral shouting for everyone to move out of the way. This distracts Mic, and I take the opportunity to tackle him around the stomach, sending both of us flying into Mac's office wall. From what I can hear, Sturgis and the Admiral are having a hard time getting through the wall of people. Mic recovers quickly and shoves me violently to the hard floor. I hear the crack of my own head hitting the cold surface, and feel pain exploding through it. Mic isn't done with me,though. He grabs my already bloody uniform shirt and pulls me up enough to punch me repeatedly, undoubtedly breaking several bones in my face. Mac screams at him to stop, and everything goes black just as I see Mic grab something metal off of her desk and swing it at my head. 


	5. Not Afraid

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it. Disclaimer: Uh, I obviously don't own JAG. If I did, Harm and Mac would have confessed their love for each other in the White House Rose Garden. Anyhoo, I don't own nothin'.  
  
Bethesda Medical Center 0700 EST  
  
I'm floating in darkness, and I can't see or hear anything. I'm not scared, but I wonder where I am. Suddenly, I hear Mac calling my name. She sounds scared. I fight the darkness, fight, fight for Sarah, and then the world turns white. I open my eyes, to see flourescent lights all around me. Everything's white, and my first coherent thought is that I'm going to kill Mic with my bare hands if he so much as touched Sarah after I blacked out.  
  
"Sarah? Sarah?" I call out. I have to know where she is. I feel someone take my hand, and as my vision clears, I see Sarah, sitting right there at my bedside.  
  
"I'm here, Harm. I'm here." Yeah, she's here. Where did I expect her to be?  
  
"Sarah! Did he hurt you?" I ask. I can tell that my speech is slightly slurred, but I think that she can understand what I'm saying. She looks like she's going to cry, but instead answers me.  
  
"No, Harm. After you blacked out, the Admiral and Sturgis restrained Mic and I came to your side. You have a broken nose, four broken ribs, a mild concussion, and your left cheekbone is broken. You'll be fine eventually." She is near tears at the end of her explanation, and as much as it hurts, I pull her down to rest her head on my chest, letting her cry it out. A few minutes later, she gets up, sniffling and wiping her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to worry you." She laughs a little through the tears and stands up, stretching.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Sailor." She looks tired, and she's still in her uniform, which I notice is covered in my blood.  
  
"Sarah, maybe you should go home and change. You've got blood all over you." She looks down at herself, surprised. It's like she was focused on something else the whole time she was sitting here.  
  
"Harm, I don't want to leave you-" I raise a hand, cutting her off.  
  
"Don't worry about me. You should go home, change, and clean up, okay?" She looks at me doubtfully.  
  
"Okay. I'll be back soon. I love you." She bends down and kisses my forehead. I smile a little, kissing her cheek.  
  
"Love you too." I say, and she's out the door. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to pinpoint the blurred feelings of pain throughout my body. My room door opens, and I expect to see a nurse or doctor enter, but it's the Admiral. I try to straighten up, to sit at attention, but I can't. It hurts too much.  
  
"At ease, son. I think you need to just calm down for a while." He says, a soft smile on his normally hard face.  
  
"Yes, sir." I say, relaxing back into the bed and taking a deep breath as the Admiral sits in the chair by my bed.  
  
"Harm, I want you to know that you're not being punished for the fight. Mac told me what happened." He says, looking at his cover, which he's playing with as he talks.  
  
"Sir, I'm-" He cuts me off with a raised hand.  
  
"Son, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and Mac. That's the same thing that I would have done in that situation." He says, finally looking up at me like a proud father.  
  
"Thank you, Admiral. That means a great deal to me." He nods, sitting back in his chair.  
  
"You know, Harm, Mac is blaming herself for you getting hurt. She's taking it really hard." He looks up at me, grimacing. I wince, partly because my nose and cheekbones are protesting mightily to talking and partly because I know that I made Sarah blame herself for yet another thing that she had no control over.  
  
"Sir, I think I should tell you that the Colonel and I are involved. It happened just the other day, and we haven't discussed telling people about it." He looks down, smiling. He doesn't seem surprised.  
  
"I figured that much. I knew that you would fight for her before, but you damn near gave Brumby need for plastic surgery. I could tell that you had something more to fight for this time." I nod, surprised that I inflicted any kind of damage on Mic with the beating that he gave me.  
  
"I love her, sir. I'm not going to let her go again, even if it takes resigning my commission. I'm not afraid anymore, sir." He looks at me, eyes shining.  
  
"I'm proud of you for finally facing up to the way you feel about her. I could tell for a while, but I couldn't tell you to do it, you had to figure it out on your own. Well, I have to go. Got work today, you know. I'm letting the Colonel have as much time off as she needs to make sure that you're okay, and I'll expect you both back no sooner than a week from now. Understood?" I nod, relieved that I'm going to have someone to keep me company. He smiles and walks out. So I'm alone again. I sit back, and try to fall asleep. It seems to be the only way to drown out the pain that I'm feeling. 


	6. Reliving Hell

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
A/N: So, so sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I've been grounded from my computer. Anyhoo, I think I'll be wrapping this up soon unless anybody has any objections. Let me know.  
  
Unknown Place Unknown Time  
  
I'm walking through the White House Rose Garden. It's nice and peaceful, and reminds me of Mac. Where is she? Now, I see her, she's calling me. I walk towards her, and I'm almost there when a Tomcat lands right in front of me, as if it has dropped from the sky. I'm pulled into it, and it flies away before I can tell Mac that I love her. I'm flying far away from her, and I don't want to be that way. I hit the eject button, and parachute out of the Tomcat. When I land, I'm in front of her again, but farther away this time. I call to her, but she ignores me. Then, I see Mic Brumby come and stand next to her. He's talking to her, and she's listening. This goes on for what seems like forever, then she walks onto a boat. I follow her, intent on telling her that I love her. She turns to me and holds her arms out as if to hug me. She's waiting for me to come to her. I can't do it, I'm stuck to the spot. She turns away and Mic is right there in front of her. I scream for her, but she goes with him. Suddenly, I'm in front of a Tomcat again. I climb in willingly this time, and fly over her and Mic's wedding. I eject again, and fall into water. Never ending, freezing cold water. I'm screaming her name, but she's not there. She's married to Brumby. I scream her name as the ocean swirls around in a whirlpool, and I'm sucked into it. I go underwater, but not before I scream her name one last time.  
  
************************* Bethesda Medical Center 0852 EST  
  
The world turns white, and I'm fighting the ocean, tossing and turning violently. I'm still screaming for Sarah, and I feel two hands on my head, a person trying to calm me down. It's her. I open my eyes, and see her. She looks worried.  
  
"Harm, Harm are you all right?" I reach up and touch her collarbone, much like I did the time right after I'd daydreamed that she was wearing a shimmering evening gown and I'd called her 'sweet thing'. She doesn't look at me the same way this time, though. She looks scared, not curious. I try to smile at her.  
  
"I'm alright." I lean back and take several deep breaths, calming myself. I look back at her.  
  
"You had a nightmare. You were calling my name." She says quietly. I don't say anything. I don't really want her to know how weak I am right now. "Harm, if we can't be honest with each other, this is never going to work." Darn. She's got me. I sigh and proceed to describe my dream to her in detail. When I'm finished, she kisses me softly. I think she's afraid of hurting me. 


	7. Shot to Hell

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
*Note*- I'm really sorry about the not-updating-ness, but I'm wrapping this up soon and moving on, so...here it is.  
  
1 Week Later Harm's Apartment 0950 EST  
  
They finally let me come home today. I'm so tired of hospitals that I think I'll wait a few years before I visit one again. Mac drove me home, and I'm glad that she did because I don't want anyone else seeing me weak like this. My nose and cheek still hurt and look terrible, but my ribs are healing fine and the concussion is better. Mac has been very quiet the whole time that I've been recuperating, and I think that it's because she blames herself, just like the Admiral said. She helps me sit on the couch, and I sigh as I lean back. She looks at me silently, and I pat the cushion next to me.  
  
"Come on, Mac. I promise I won't bite." Normally, she would have smiled and sat down, but now she just sits. I reach over to hold her hand, and she doesn't respond. She just sits there. When I turn to look at her, she's just staring ahead.  
  
"It's my fault." Those are the first words that I've heard her say since we left the hospital. I shake my head.  
  
"Sarah, it's not your fault. It's my fault. I was a macho jerk and didn't stop the fight. I'm sorry I worried you." She doesn't respond, so I move off the couch and kneel in front of her. Despite the pain in my ribs and head, I reach up to her face and turn her head so that she's looking at me. "I love you." I say. I try to convey how strongly I need her, but I only see the walls around her heart through her eyes. She's pushing me away.  
  
"Harm, I should go. I don't think this is going to work." She turns her head away from me, and stands up. I'm still kneeling, so she towers over me. I try to get up, but she's walking towards the door and I try to move too fast. She's out the door and I'm calling her name, falling to the floor. Pain explodes through my chest and ribs, and I groan as I hear the door click shut. Damn her for blaming herself for everything. I push as hard as I can and manage to get myself off the floor. How am I going to get her back?  
  
************************ 0952 EST Falls Church, VA  
  
I'm back to work, despite the fact that I was just released from the hospital yestersay. I need desperately to talk to Mac, but I'm fairly sure that she'll avoid me. As I step into the bullpen, I'm bombarded by people welcoming me back. I search the crowd for Mac, but instead see her sitting in her office. She's looking out at me, but when I meet her gaze, she looks down at the file in front of her. I force a smile and make my way out of the well-meaning throng of my co-workers, and go to my office. When I plop down into my chair and boot up my computer, I look through the windows between my office and Mac's. She glances over at the same time and gets up, closing the blinds. I sigh, getting more and more exasperated as the minutes go on with only silence from the next room. That's enough. I've had it. I get up and walk out of my office, going next door and opening her office without even knocking. She looks up in surprise, and an I see a flash of vulnerability before she shields herself with anger. I close her door.  
  
"Commander, don't you knock?" She grinds out, as coldly as if I'd just been caught rifling through her lingere drawer.  
  
"Sarah, I need to talk to you." The only immediate response that I get from that statement is a frown. She puts her pen down.  
  
"Harm, I told you, it's not going to work. I...don't love you. I'm sorry that I lied to you, but I thought that was what I wanted. It wasn't." I feel a sudden pressure on my chest. I wonder what that is. Probably my heart breaking. The worst part of what she said is that she had no difficulty whatsoever saying it. She said it almost casually. Like it wasn't a big deal. So she really doesn't love me. It was all an act. Damn her. I can't speak, so I just turn around and leave the office slowly. How could she do this to me? As I leave the office, I remember the cold, uncaring look on her face when she said that she didn't love me. This sends a white-hot flash of anger through me, so I slam her door as hard as I can. The windows of every office rattle, and I stride quickly back to my sanctuary.  
  
The second I sit down, Tiner pokes his head in and tells me that the Admiral would like to see me. I nod and head to the Admiral's office. The next thing I know, I'm standing at attention in front of the Admiral.  
  
"At ease, Commander. I've just recieved a request from the SecNav. He has requested that you be sent back to active duty. There is a shortage of pilots, and we are in the middle of a war. You don't have to accept, but if you can stand being stationed away from JAG for a couple of years, I wouldn't reccomend refusing the SecNav. I'll give you one week to think about it, okay?" I don't need a week. There's nothing really holding me here anymore. My best friend just lied to me about loving me and broke my heart. I answer quickly.  
  
"Thank you, sir. I won't be needing a week to decide, sir. I would like to go." He looks at me in shock.  
  
"What about Mac?" He asks, totally forgetting the formality required when addressing a fellow officer.  
  
"The relationship between the Colonel and I didn't work out, sir. Conflicting feelings." He nods, although still looking a little shaken.  
  
"Well then, you are to report to the Patrick Henry tomorrow. Dismissed." I nod, saluting. As I'm almost out the door, he calls out to me. "Harm, don't forget to say your goodbyes."  
  
**************************** Mac's Apartment 1900 EST  
  
I'm standing outside her door, ready to knock. I have to tell her that I'm leaving, though I doubt it matters to her. I knock three times on the door, and hear her unlocking it. She opens it, looking very surprised to see me standing there.  
  
"Harm, I thought-" I interrupt her, not wanting to hear again that she doesn't love me.  
  
"That's not why I'm here, Colonel. I've been reassigned to the Patrick Henry, on active duty. I'm leaving tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave without telling you." She looks stunned, and I think I see tears come to her eyes.  
  
"Harm, you can't just go. What about JAG?" I shake my head, starting to get angry at her for being this way.  
  
"There's nothing holding me here. I have to go where they need me. I'm ready to move on." I say, not meaning to sound as hateful as I did. Tears are falling down her cheeks now, and I don't bother to brush them away.  
  
"What about our friendship?" She asks softly, looking into my eyes. I meet her gaze.  
  
"I don't think I can trust you anymore. It's best we go our seperate ways." She breaks into soft sobs, and I can't help but wonder why she's so upset. All she feels for me is friendship, and she can live with losing a friend.  
  
"I'll never forget you, Harm." She whispers. I nod, looking down.  
  
"I'll never forget you either. Goodbye, Sarah." I turn away from her and walk down the hall. I can her her sobs all the way to the elevator, and I manage to wait until then to shed my own tears. Goodbye, Sarah. I will always love you. 


	8. Where's the Happy Ending?

Through My Eyes Summary: Harm's point of view. Mainly to show the magnitude of his feelings towards Mac. I don't think there's any better way to do it.  
  
*Note*- I'm really sorry about the not-updating-ness, but I'm wrapping this up soon and moving on, so...here it is.  
  
USS Patrick Henry 4 Months Later  
  
Getting up every morning knowing that I'm on an aircraft carrier is great. Knowing that I've left the love of my life because she doesn't love me is torture. I'm flying a mission today, and the CAG told us that it's going to be the most dangerous one executed in this war. As I walk towards my Tomcat to prep for launch, a helo lands on the deck. Since I have a few minutes and there doesn't seem to be anyone to greet the helo, I decide to do it myself. Jogging over to the pad, I remember that they were flying a JAG out to investigate the mysterious theft of some semi-important documents from the ship's safe. I unlock the helo door, yanking it open. Two people get out, and as I try to identify them, I see warm brown eyes through the goggles of the taller one. Damn. Is that her? Leading the pair over to the cabin, I curse myself for greeting my traitorous ex-best friend. Once we're inside, they take their gear off, and yep, that's Mac. She smiles at me a little, but I don't feel the warmth in it that I used to. I smile politely and nod to her.  
  
"Commander, would you care to join me for coffee later?" She asks me. I turn to her, almost disappointed that I have to fly a mission today. Very disappointed that I have to fly a probably suicide mission while she's here. I feel guilty. In the past, when I was in danger of being hurt, she was always very concerned. Someone even told me that she was on the verge of emotional breakdown when I went down in the Atlantic on the eve of her wedding. I clear my throat.  
  
"I would, but I have a mission to fly at 1100." She looks crestfallen, then responds.  
  
"You're late. It's 1109." Crap! I look at my watch, and it is indeed 1109. I'm tempted to ask her how she does that, but she never told me when we were best friends, so why would she tell me now? I salute her quickly and rush out, jogging towards my Tomcat. She probably doesn't know that this is the last time we'll ever see each other. I'm prepared to die for my country. I might just do that today. I can't risk having the terrorists attack again. What if they killed Mac, or my mom? I can't let that happen, so if I have to fly deep into Afghanistan to bomb an al-Quada base and probably be shot down by anti-aircraft weapons, then so be it. As long as Sarah is okay.  
  
"Harm! Harm!" I hear someone calling be from behind. As I turn to see who it is, someone tackles me in a hug. Looking down to see who it is, I see Sarah's big brown eyes looking up at me, tears flowing.  
  
"What are you doing?" I ask, having to shout over the sound of Tomcats preparing for launch. She pulls away enough to be able to speak to me without breaking her neck, but still holds on to me.  
  
"I'm sorry." She says. What? She continues, obviously seeing the confusion on my face. "I didn't mean what I said. I was scared and didn't want you to get hurt because of me, so I lied and told you that I didn't love you. I'm sorry." Oh, my god. She does love me? My mouth opens and closes several times, but I can't say anything. "If you can't forgive me, I understand, but I do love you. We can talk when you get back." No, we can't. My heart breaks for her, she doesn't know that I'm probably not coming back. Her hair is blowing every which way, and I reach out and tuck a piece of it behind her ear, wiping away her tears with my thumb, just like I used to. I lean down and touch my lips to the corner of hers, and pull away, whispering in her ear,  
  
"Don't forget me." And I walk away from a very confused Sarah MacKenzie. I hold back tears, remembering that I'm doing this to save her life, and perhaps the life of everyone that I know and love. Getting into the Tomcat, I see her standing there, watching me. Please forgive me, Sarah.  
  
************************* Harm's Tomcat 30 Minutes Later  
  
I'm well on my way to the target, and have already been reminded to make my peace with God. That's done, and now I'm enjoying the ride and thinking of Sarah. She's back there, on the carrier, and I'm deathly afraid that she will hear when they lose radio contact with me. I decide to ask for a minute of privacy with her, since I'm sure she's on the bridge listening carefully.  
  
"Patrick Henry, this is Eagle One, requesting permission to have a moment with Colonel MacKenzie." There is silence for a second, then,  
  
"Request granted, Eagle One." A click, then Sarah's voice.  
  
"Harm, they won't tell me what the mission is." I shake my head.  
  
"It's classified, Ninja-girl. It doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know that I forgive you, and I love you. Don't ever forget that, okay?" I turn off my radio after I hear her respond. I don't want to tell her that I might not come back.  
  
********************* Harm's Tomcat 45 Minutes Later  
  
I'm nearing the target. We broke radio contact with the carrier a few minutes ago, and now we're on our own. As the targeting computer zeroes in on a building standing seemingly alone in the desert, I hear the warning beeps that mean there are ground-to-air missiles targeting us right now. I take a breath and press the button that will destroy the terrorist's building. I watch the missile fly into the building, and bank my Tomcat so we're getting the hell out of there. I still hear the warning, and calmly make my way back towards the safety of the ocean. In my rearview mirror, I see my RIO praying, and I decide that I don't really have time to do the same. I see a missile right on my six, and try to maneuver to get away. On the way to the target, we took a long way so that we wouldn't be spotted. Now I'm making a beeline back to the carrier, trying to get as close as possible before we have to eject. I see the carrier in the distance, but the missile has almost caught us. I turn my radio back on, calling the carrier.  
  
"Mayday! Mayday! This is Eagle One. We're one nautical mile away from you, with a bogey hot on our tail! ejecting NOW!" I press the eject button, sending my RIO and I flying into the air as the missile hits the Tomcat, blowing it into thousands of pieces that are now flying at us. As we parachute down, I feel the chunks of metal hitting my helmet and flightsuit. Suddenly, I feel pain over my left eye. Damn, I'm hit. Just before I hit the water, there is a burning sensation shooting through my right leg. Looking down, I see the piece of shrapnel sticking deep into my leg. Cursing, I turn on my emergency beacon before I even hit the water. There's no way I'm risking them not being able to find me again.  
  
ThwapThwapThwap! There's the rescue chopper. Thank God. I float calmly as the chopper picks up my RIO and then comes to get me. Lowering the sling, they try to get close enough to catch me in it, but they're going to lose me in that wave coming up, so I grab the sling myself and motion for them to bring me up.  
  
"Commander Rabb, you got very lucky that time, sir." A young Lieutenant tells me. I nod, laying back in the seat of the chopper. The Corpsman starts wiping my face off- covering the wound above my eye. Then he looks down and sees the metal sticking out of my leg. He mutters a curse, and goes to work stablizing it. I'm tired, and lean back to go to sleep on the short ride back to the carrier when I remember that Sarah is there. I don't want to scare her, so I fight the darkness that I want so badly to succumb to.  
  
"We're here, Commander. Hold on." The lieutenant again. He's trying to stay calm, but I think that he might be more worried than I am. The helo doors slide open, and there are three corpsmen ready to take my RIO and I to sickbay. My RIO. I look around, trying to see him, and the young man that's attending to me motions for me to be taken out of the helo.  
  
"Where's my RIO? Where's Inspector?" That's his call sign. He's a young kid, Hector Melendez. I think his parents are from Puerto Rico or something. We call him 'Inspector Hector'. I'm not sure why, but he seems to like it.  
  
"He's fine, Commander, he's coming in to sickbay right behind you." The lieutenant tells me. Two of the corpsman take me out of the helo and gently place me on a stretcher. Wheeling me to sickbay, I relax, distantly wondering where Sarah is. A voice can be heard echoing down the hall, and Sarah can be clearly heard yelling in a scared-sounding Marine voice,  
  
"Where the hell is he?!?" I cringe. The voice that she just used was an equal combination of 'Frightened Sarah' and 'Very Upset Marine'. She's out for blood. Looking around to see her, I catch a glimpse of her racing down the hallway, coming after me. My vision swims, and black floats in front of me. Suddenly, everything's gone.  
  
************************* USS Patrick Henry Somewhere in the Water ????  
  
Black. That's all I see. I can hear warbled voices coming from around me, and I think I hear Sarah pleading with me not to leave her again. Struggling to open my eyes, everything turns red, then white. I'm blind! Shooting up in bed, I try to look around.  
  
"Harm, it's okay. It's alright." Sarah's soothing voice, and the fact that my vision is clearing up calms me. Laying back in bed, I look over and can barely make out the form of Sarah sitting next to me, but I've felt her hand in mine since I woke up.  
  
"Sarah, what happened?" I ask.  
  
"Your Tomcat was shot down, and you got hit with some of the shrapnel. You're going to be fine, Sailor." She smiles sadly.  
  
"How are you?" I ask. She quirks an eyebrow.  
  
"You're fine, so I'm fine. I love you." Taking her hand, I kiss it.  
  
"I love you too." Sarah is the most perfect woman on earth. At least, she is in my eyes. 


End file.
